I’ve always had mixed feelings about Mother’s Day. Of course when I was a child I would make a card for my mother, and my father would take us out to eat as I’m sure millions of other families did, but as I got older my feelings changed.
Part of my issue with holidays, like Mother’s Day and Valentine’s Day is just because one person thought that day is the day to show appreciation to someone, we’re expected to go along with it. Greeting card companies want us to buy overpriced cards, restaurants want us to wait three hours for the privilege of eating at their business and florists want us to show our love with flowers that will be dead by next week. And we go along with it. Americans spend about 18 million dollars on Mother’s Day each year.
Then there’s the fact that days like February 14 and the second Sunday in May have no personal meaning for me. I would rather choose my own day to express my appreciation, and have it expressed to me. You might think I’m overthinking this, and you’d probably be right, but I’ve always been the type of person to go against the grain. It’s in my DNA to be different.
When I became a mother, my issues took on a whole new meaning. My husband & I adopted our three children and soon after that I decided to celebrate Mother’s Day on the day that I became a mother. So for the last ten years, I’ve celebrated Mother’s Day on October 30. That’s my Mother’s Day. I don’t have to share the day with every other mother, and the day has meaning for me.
Then Mother’s Day decided it wasn’t finished screwing around with me and it gave me another twist, one that I wasn’t ready for. When my mother crossed over in 2007, my first Mother’s Day without her was empty and strange. I am a motherless mother on Mother’s Day. *sigh*
Happy Mother’s Day mommy. I miss and love you.
Rose says
February 25, 2016 at 1:39 amThey say that time heals all wounds, but there’s always still a part of the person there with you…especially when its your mother. You celebrate her (and your own motherhood journey) any day you choose. Who cares what anyone else says? I think its beautiful that you celebrate it on the day you became a mother.
Being “different” isn’t so bad 😉 Thank you for sharing your story. Sorry for the loss of your mother.
Julie A Beveridge says
May 16, 2014 at 1:16 amMotherless mother here too! It was odd, and I don’t even know how to describe it. I hated it though. My three ADULT children did not get me a card, my father did, but wrote something about my mom in it and now I pretty much am ready to erase it from the calendar! I feel you! Celebrate when you want to do for you.
Joanne says
May 16, 2014 at 1:33 amHi Julie. Happy belated Mother’s Day. I’m sorry you didn’t get a card from your children. I feel for you because my middle child (18 year old daughter) is not speaking to any of us right now and did not send me a card or call on my mother’s day last year, which was our 10 year adoption anniversary.
ashley p says
May 15, 2014 at 4:16 pmI have trouble with Father’s day – after losing my dad in 1995.
Lauren says
May 15, 2014 at 2:11 pmI am a motherless mother too. And I can identify with much of what you write here. Thanks for sharing!
Joanne says
May 15, 2014 at 4:08 pmHi Lauren. Thank you so much for reading and reaching out. ((hugs))
Billy says
May 13, 2014 at 2:26 pmMy heart goes out to you Joanne. Your mom is a wonderful (which at one point was her license plate “1derful”) person. I’m a better man for having her in my life. Thank you for sharing your mom with me.
Joanne says
May 13, 2014 at 7:20 pmI forgot all about her license plate! Thanks for reminding me! I love that you and my mom were close. xoxo
Jessica Beal Harlow says
May 12, 2014 at 1:31 pmAs a Motherless Mother now myself, I hear you. Mother’s Day (whatever day you celebrate it) is somehow very different when you no longer have a mother here to celebrate. It’s a heavy hearted day for me now that my Mom is no longer here with us in person. It’s more of a memorial day to remember her and I usually end up spending it at her favorite place on the planet, where her ashes are spread. Happy Mother’s Day. 🙂
Joanne says
May 12, 2014 at 9:04 pmThat’s beautiful Jessica. My mother was cremated also and most of her ashes are with me, but I have a small urn with some of her ashes and when I go someplace that she would like, I leave some of her there. 🙂